they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
