holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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