my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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