you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Houston, we have a squirter
You have to summon your inner elephant
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
