I can tuck mytits in my pants
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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