i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
