My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
