Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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