It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
