we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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