who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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