it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
