You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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