There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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