saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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