the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
