Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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