Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
