It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
