I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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