Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
where are my eyebrows?
You don't make any sense
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