Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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