Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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