Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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