On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
