I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
