You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
