god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
