I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
