I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
