Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
