Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
