We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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