one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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