I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize