she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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