We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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