so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
