just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
