Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
