Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
