but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
