Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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