omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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