Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
