Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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