or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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