the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
