cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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