I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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