I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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