I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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