Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize