I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
