I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
