i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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