You really coming over, don't trick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize