Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
