They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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