I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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