My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
