Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
