she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize