how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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