I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
