she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
