Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
