I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
