Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
