Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
