got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
