She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
